Friday, July 24, 2020

Thoughts That Keep Me Awake At Night

I decided to make this post by this time of the night, because some of us nursing this particular thought stay awake through the night.

In the last quarter of 2016, I met an old acquaintance at a fast-food joint. I was already eating before I noticed him and moved over to his table.

A jolly good fellow who always cracked everyone up with jokes and good vibes. I asked how life has been treating him but he was reluctant to answer.

"Beck we dey. We just dey rough am dey go."

He was served and as we ate, we reminisced on old days and life. Then suddenly he blurted out; "It is good to know oneself and believe in your journey."

"Have you turned to pastor Moti? What do you mean?"

"Beck you won't understand. If I told you where I was coming from now, would you believe?"

"You have always spent your free time in hotels and expensive waists. So which one did you shut down recently?"

He washed his hands and told me he was serious about what he was about to say.

"So where did you go?"

He visited a native doctor his friend referred him to who would "wash his destiny" so he could hammer. But before the washing, he insisted the man should divine into his future and tell him what he saw.

"Beck my guy, the man told me I had a good star and I would succeed, but I will have to struggle hard. But if I don't want to struggle, he will make the road easy for me."

After some seconds, I paid him and thanked him for his consultation.

"Did you do the washing?"

"No I didn't. Since he already knew I had potential, let me go through hell and work hard for my life. I don't want to invoke spirits I don't know about."

Two weeks before the lock down this year, we were chatting and he told me he has built a duplex for rent in Asaba. And other good things happening for him.

I was so happy for him. It took a long time coming but he learnt through the hard times.

As you're going through hard times now and thinking of easy ways to pass out, remember there's always a price for the short cut.

See through your life's process and you'll be eternally grateful you did.

It may not always be easy, but you can always reach out for any emotional or career related stress you're going through.

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.
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Thursday, July 23, 2020

Self Esteem, A Self-Struggle That Awaits Everyone

Good morning everyone. Here again for the dreaded topic "SELF ESTEEM".

So, basically everyone who read through the last post has come inbox at a point or the other to ask if I am a psychologist. Lol, well, I will answer that question here and now.
I am Ada Paul, 300 level student of Funai, your favorite Nwanyiakara and of course your sure plug for better small chops and healthy drinks. Looking at this introduction, you can notice that there no trace of “psychologist” in there, neither am i aspiring to be one yet I am able to talk about self-esteem and with vast in-depth knowledge i am here to tell you how.

You all know what they say about experience right? “Experience is the best teacher!”
so, what if I told you I battled “low self-esteem” for a better part of my life? What if I told you there was a time I felt intimidated in the midst of classmates and friends? What if I told you that there was a time I felt like I was not enough? Lol, it’s pretty unbelievable for everyone including people who have known me for a very long time. Well, take your time and read with me…

I am the first child in a family of 4, eldest and I must add what you would call “the Shrek” of the house. My 3 other siblings as seen in the previous pictures are beautiful and spontaneous. They had turn heads at every place they entered and at whatever time, and then there was me who you had assume is but a boy. At 18, I looked like a teenage 15years old boy all flat chested and butt less. 

For people who knew me then, they would attest to the fact that I was always “extra”. I wasn’t going all out to do those things because I loved them, nah, I did most of them because I felt I needed a lot of “patching to be catching” it’s a rhyme yeh! Lol.

I was practically the only one whose face had gone sour in the house. I have a lot of blemishes on my face and my skin too, so when I say I know self-esteem not by reading books or extracts from goggle you should understand that it’s because I have “experiential knowledge”.

Now, the only good thing I had was my intelligence. I am very brainy, crafty and creative, so most of the time I try to bottle up and squash fear. But, this is low “self”- esteem we’re talking about, something that comes from inside of you and then gets portrayed outside. It is more of “your personal evaluation” of yourself than it is about people’s evaluation of you. I felt undeserving, I felt unlovable, I felt soooo uncomfortable in my own skin. Low self esteem takes the better part of you and shuts you up in a box. It delt so much with me and made me become edgy and sensitive.

Sensitive to small talks, actions and whatever it Is you can think of. You begin to read meanings into everything, begin to see more of the negative things of life than the positive. At this stage, condemnation sets in and boom! You have a person who feels he/she is undeserving of anything good. i fought o, "i fought the good fight of faith"🤣 and i am only going to help you fight yours if you're willing.😊😊😊

If you read to this point, I would want to say a big thank you to you because, your feedbacks are what keeps me motivated to complete this series. We will stop here for today, drop your comments in the comment section, we will continue tomorrow 9pm.
I love you all.
Muuuaarrrrrh
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Thoughts on Sharing Your Story With Someone

Have you ever regretted opening up to someone? Sharing your sad or happy story with the person and hoping they'd understand but they didn't?

Some of the calls I receive in the night come from people who just want to talk to someone. Someone who is not a friend but they trust I can give them good advise given my background and training.

The first thing I do is to listen all the way. Since I am not a friend, I'm not tempted to talk or say to them; "No this can't be you", "Don't say that", "That's wrong" or any other statements that make people feel bad for opening up.

And many times, people just need someone to talk to. Someone who won't hold it against them and someone who probably swore a professional oath to protect such conversations.

Friends don't subscribe to such rules. And that is why when there's a falling out, what you shared in confidence because you needed a listening ear may be used against you. This is sad. Real sad. And you may never have control over the narrative.

Because I understand we all need someone to talk to about our career choices, relationships, business, life issues, legal problems and the often long nights of thinking; I am putting together, a perfect frame work that will give you access to me.

Honing my skills as a lawyer and managing Tales of Nigerians, the largest real life story sharing platform in Nigeria has opened my eyes to this need.

We all need someone who we can open up to, gain valuable advice for any issues we may be going through in life and draw a professional line in the relationship.

In the coming days, I'll share more insight about this new counselling sessions I'll introduce and hopefully, you will find it useful for your life.

Friends can be good and have the best of intent while the going is good and smooth, but you never know what will happen when there's a falling out.

Having handled plethora of issues myself, I can assure you in that midnight moment you need someone to talk to, you need a counsellor more than you need a friend.

I do throw in couple of jokes during my interactions so I'll probably change your mood from sad to happy if you're sad. That's an add-on service...LOL.

Life is already tough and complicated, so you need all the friends you can get. A counsellor can handle the rest while you build your friendships for greater good tomorrow.

Right here, you'll soon get a partner to talk through your life's experiences, challenges and wins soon.

Smile.

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.
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Sunday, June 28, 2020

14 Things School Won't Teach You:

Hello, good evening Friends, before I begin, let me begin by giving you this free advice. Don't get carried away with social media because nobody posts their failures here. Ignore the fake bling-bling and photoshop beauty with filters. Be yourself and embrace your life, because even if you attend the most or one of the most expensive schools in the world today, there are many things which school won't tech you and they are as follows

15 Things School Won't Teach You:

1. How to develop empathy and integrity.

2. How to cold call.

3. How to sell.

4. Negotiation skills

5. Emotional intelligence

6. How to invest your. money

7. How to stay mentally healthy.

8. How to interview and pick great candidates.

9. How to prospect for new clients without being a douche.

10. How to be grateful.

11. How to truly listen.

12. How to fire a person.

13 How to and when to hire.

14 The true value of time

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Sunday, June 7, 2020

A Tale of Survival and Tribulations of Middle Age

A colleague works at a law firm in Onitsha, earns ₦25,000 monthly and his boss forbids him from taking personal briefs. Another in Awka earns ₦30,000, resumes at 8:00am and goes home at 7:00pm without permission to run personal briefs. Sometimes he doubles as personal driver to madam's kids. The colleague in Nnewi who is about 7 years post call survives on the benevolence of a priest friend who gives him rice and yam every month. Despite working in the law firm of a SAN, he has nothing to show for it all these years.

Can one survive on such payment package in this country? Won't you suffer mental stress while on the job?

While I do not blame the principal in chambers because I understand the nature of creating wealth for a services based industry, I believe they can do more to help young lawyers capture better opportunities.

Most law firms in the east do not have an online presence. I have tried in the past to recommend the legal services of a very good friend who practices in Anambra State to another friend in Detroit who needs something to be processed back home. He was surprised there was no website for him to look up the details of the firm, their practice areas and staff.

Building a website isn't expensive these days. If you can't build one, you can get a landing page. That's a good way to start. If you have a site, one of the junior lawyers can be writing weekly legal articles on the site or be doing something that gives them exposure to the outside world. They need professional digital footprints.

I understand the cost of setting up and running a successful law firm is no walk in the park. I have tried to avoid the argument of how young lawyers are exploited because truth be told, there's always two sides of the divide and you may never know till you're in the driver's seat.

I have seen some lawyers in Anambra who are trying to rewrite this narrative and build a proper brand out of their firm. This is beautiful. I believe more firms can tow this line and give young lawyers under their employ better digital opportunities.

The training to become a legal practitioner in this country is a very expensive and time consuming one. But then the remuneration and career trajectory doesn't balance up in many cases. And then you wonder why thousands of people still apply every year to study law.

I believe things can still get better because we have more tools and opportunities to get it right going forward.

This is a beautiful profession and regardless the many hurdles along the way, it is still worth it.

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.
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